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Wed, Aug. 5th, 2009, 12:09 am

You Are 94% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.

The devil is even a little scared of you!

Tue, Aug. 4th, 2009, 11:20 pm
A leg up on my journey

6 years ago I contracted HIV. I wouldn't know for another 10 months when I got my diagnosis. I had already went through all the emotional stuff with the Daddy who had accidentally given it to me when he got his diagnosis 2 weeks before I did. When I got my diagnosis I made a decision that i was not going to let HIV defeat me. I was going to fight it with every ounce of energy that I had. At that time, to me, going on meds was letting the disease defeat me. I started taking better care of my health, eating right and cutting back on my stress levels. Except for a few time when sickness weakened me enough to shot my Viral load up to 10,000 and 16,000 I have done pretty good at keeping my Viral load around 4000 and my TCells around 450. Last time I went to my Dr he was telling me that with my viral load at 350 I might want to consider meds as the experts were suggesting 350 as the cut off point of not taking meds. 200 is when you become full blown AIDS. So for the last 3.5 months I have been dealing with a deamon. If I started taking meds I would be taking them for life. The disease was defeating me. BUT You gotta love leather family. They stepped in and talked with me Master P and Daddy S being supportive and listening to me. Encouraging me to do what is right for me. Big Brother, His Husbear and his boy helping me understand that the disease is not defeating me I just need a little help in my fight against it. Daddy Luke and my other Daddies telling me "we want you around for a long time so if taking meds is what is going to keep you around you had better start taking them."

Today I want to see my Dr. My Viral load was 4240 and my TCells had gone up to 406 not bad but not real good either. With talking to my Dr. we started a med regimen. My Dr was very understanding of my concerns and he was ready to go along with me if I said no to meds. I am still processing my emotions and thought processes. But I have started a new phase in my fight. I go back to the DR in 6 weeks to see how I am progressing.

Fri, Jun. 26th, 2009, 08:46 am

You Are 96% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.

The devil is even a little scared of you!

Tue, Jun. 16th, 2009, 10:12 pm
who would have known?

Your result for Which fantasy writer are you?...

David Eddings (b. 1931)

-13 High-Brow, 3 Violent, -11 Experimental and 7 Cynical!

Congratulations! You are Low-Brow, Violent, Traditional and Cynical! These concepts are defined below.

David Eddings is the best-selling author of several series of fantasy novels, the most famous being The Belgariad (1982-84) and The Malloreon (1988-92). These books have become almost epitomic of the kind of fantasy that is fast-paced, full of humorous dialogue and written to entertain. And entertain they do. Few other writers have Eddings' ability to create characters that not only makes the reader feel as if he or she knows them, but are also very likeable. Perhaps this is due to Eddings unusual path to writing fantasy: He had tried writing in other genres with moderate success when he discovered that fantasy, a genre he had hitherto not been interested in, sometimes sells very well, and therefore started turning an old sketch of a map into a series of books. Without an interest in experimenting with form or pushing the boundaries of the genre, Eddings created the penultimate light entertainment instead, trusting his readers to keep reading because of charming characters and exotic, though not particularly original, environments.

After the success of The Belgariad and The Malloreon, Eddings turned to writing fantasy which was, supposedly, aimed at a more adult audience. The tendency towards violence as entertainment that had been present through-out his early works grew more prominent in the series of The Elenium (1989-91)and The Tamuli (1992-94). It was also around this time that David Eddings wife, Leigh Eddings, was credited as the co-author of his books, though they admitted that she had been contributing from the very beginning.

Though Eddings isn't the most high cultured of fantasy writers, few would dispute that when it comes to charm, he has no rivals.

You are also a lot like J R R Tolkien.

If you want something more gentle, try Robert Jordan.

If you'd like a challenge, try your exact opposite, Tove Jansson.

Your score

This is how to interpret your score: Your attitudes have been measured on four different scales, called 1) High-Brow vs. Low-Brow, 2) Violent vs. Peaceful, 3) Experimental vs. Traditional and 4) Cynical vs. Romantic. Imagine that when you were born, you were in a state of innocence, a tabula rasa who would have scored zero on each scale. Since then, a number of circumstances (including genetical, cultural and environmental factors) have pushed you towards either end of these scales. If you're at 45 or -45 you would be almost entirely cynical, low-brow or whatever. The closer to zero you are, the less extreme your attitude. However, you should always be more of either (eg more romantic than cynical). Please note that even though High-Brow, Violent, Experimental and Cynical have positive numbers (1 through 45) and their opposites negative numbers (-1 through -45), this doesn't mean that either quality is better. All attitudes have their positive and negative sides, as explained below.

High-Brow vs. Low-Brow

You received -13 points, making you more Low-Brow than High-Brow. Being high-browed in this context refers to being more fascinated with the sort of art that critics and scholars tend to favour, while a typical low-brow would favour the best-selling kind. At their best, low-brows are honest enough to read what they like, regardless of what "experts" and academics say is good for them. At their worst, they are more likely to read what their neighbours like than what they would choose themselves.

Violent vs. Peaceful

You received 3 points, making you more Violent than Peaceful. Please note that violent in this context does not mean that you, personally, are prone to violence. This scale is a measurement of a) if you are tolerant to violence in fiction and b) whether you see violence as a means that can be used to achieve a good end. If you are, and you do, then you are violent as defined here. At their best, violent people are the heroes who don't hesitate to stop the villain threatening innocents by means of a good kick. At their worst, they are the villains themselves.

Experimental vs. Traditional

You received -11 points, making you more Traditional than Experimental. Your position on this scale indicates if you're more likely to seek out the new and unexpected or if you are more comfortable with the familiar, especially in regards to culture. Note that traditional as defined here does not equal conservative, in the political sense. At their best, traditional people don't change winning concepts, favouring storytelling over empty poses. At their worst, they are somewhat narrow-minded.

Cynical vs. Romantic

You received 7 points, making you more Cynical than Romantic. Your position on this scale indicates if you are more likely to be wary, suspicious and skeptical to people around you and the world at large, or if you are more likely to believe in grand schemes, happy endings and the basic goodness of humankind. It is by far the most vaguely defined scale, which is why you'll find the sentence "you are also a lot like x" above. If you feel that your position on this scale is wrong, then you are probably more like author x. At their best, cynical people are able to see through lies and spot crucial flaws in plans and schemes. At their worst, they are overly negative, bringing everybody else down.

Take Which fantasy writer are you?
at HelloQuizzy

Wed, May. 27th, 2009, 11:38 am
Promises made, Promises broken

I am so very frusterated.
A little over a year ago a promise was made to me by someone I hold dear in my heart. That promise has not been followed through on. Excuses after excuse after excuse. The breaking of this promise is affecting me on a very personal level. It feels like a part of me and my life is being held hostage and I am literally at the whim of another person.
This is as public as I dare go as this person is a respected member of the leather community and I don't want to come across as the boy who out of vengance is trying to besmirch this person's reputation.

I just am very frusterated and hurt and don't know what to do.
Boy Earl

Tue, Feb. 10th, 2009, 11:27 pm
Catching up

Well it has been a few weeks.
Life has been very busy.
Went to MidAtlantic Leather (MAL) at the beginning of January and had a great time.
There was a little drama but the greatness of the event and seeing friends and some of my chosen family out shined it. I was honoured to represent the Leather Uniform Club of Las Vegas (LUC of LV) during the parade of colors at Leather cocktails. Got home safely and then 4 days later Daddy H, Ms Perspone, Ms Moriha, boi Jai and myself drove down to Phoenix in two vehicles for the SouthWest Leather Conference (SWLC).

We got out of town a little later than we wanted but for me what happened an hour after being on the road was a forshadow of the great weekend to come. We all stopped at a roadside view point where I offered Daddy H my "Daddy" collar to be only in service to him for the weekend. Daddy H locked his pad lock on my collar accepting the sevice and trust i was offering him. Once he put that collar on I didn't have to think about or be responsible for anything unless Daddy H ordered it. The rest of the trip down was great. boi Jai rode with Daddy H and I for a while while Ms Persephone rode with Ms Moriha then they switched back. We got to the hotel, got registered for our room and for the weekend. I will say now there was drama again this weekend and on into the following week or two but that is all I am going to say about it. It is done and over with .

Being in total service, really in total service, is something this boy has always dreamed about but never really got to experience. I have always either community boy inservice to the community, family boy in service to family or uber in control boy (responsible for schedules and making sure the I and the Daddy I was with got to where we needed to be on time.) Daddy H was in control of all of that this weekend. I enjoy all of the other three forms of service but with Daddy H I was able to relax and enjoy being in service to only him and enjoy SWLC. Not discounting the complements from Daddy H, Ms Moriha, boi Jai and friends and family who recoginized that I was in service, the best complement of the weekend cam from Master Malik, Southwest Master 2008. He had seen me at SWLC and at Tribal Fire in Oklahoma City the prefious year. As we were hugging to say goodbye on Sunday night he pulled back from me looked me in the eye and said "Where the fuck have you been". He had seen me all weekend but i was not having to call attention to myself (even when I dressed to call attention to myself). I was just there enjoying the event. not running all over keeping track of Daddy and keeping us/him on schedule.

I got to spend time with friends and some more of my chosen Leather family. Was great to touch base and to thank the ones who had helped me through some tough times the previous year.

I was once again honoured to represent LUC of LV during SWLC's parade of colors during the Southwest Master and slave and Southwest Bootblack contest.

Daddy H and I also got to play at SWLC once in the onsite playspace and again in Ms Moriha and boi Jai's room. I don't remember a lot of it but what i do remember all I can say is "Oh My Fucking God" Daddy H scalped me in the playspace and slit my throat in the room. I still tremble when I think about it. Ms Moriha and boi Jai also played with me with Daddy H. I had so much happening to me when they were all three playing I didn't know if i were coming or going and when I went bye-bye i was gone for a bit. I felt them putting a zipper on me but i didn't know how long it was on and I didn't feel it when they pulled it off. Woof.

The Dance of Souls was phenominally out of this world. I was able to freely be in contact with the energies of the people, the earth and the people around me with no barriers. I was able to become a part of a greater whole let down pretty much all of my shields with out fear of hurting anyone.
I made connections with people I never ever thought I would be able to make a connection with, Master Taino in particular.

The most important thing that happened for me this weekend, besides being in wonderful service to Daddy H, is that I was proud of myself and that my trust in what a collar means had returned. I was even able to ask Daddy H to accept his own personal collar for me. I also invited Ms Moriha and boi Jai and of course Daddy H to be members of my chosen Leather Family, The Cobalt Phoenix Clan.

We all got home safely but very late after a long drive because of an accident on the regular route we would have taken home.

Since SWLC Daddy H has been going through some major life drama and I have been doing my best to be there for him when he needed me. I have been sending him energy when he needed it and casting protection spells.

Daddy H has come to mean a lot to me. His protection, care, dominance and understanding have been what has been missing in my life. And even though I tease him about it I honestly and truely DO NOT WANT sex from him. His playing with me, His ordering me, his taking control and his strength are more than enough.
That is all for now. I will do my best to not go quite so long without writing next time.

Tue, Jan. 13th, 2009, 06:34 pm
SWLC preparation

Well today started the preparation of getting ready to go to SWLC the weekend of Jan 23-25, 2009. I made the decision that I would not unpack my bags except for things that needed to be washed when I return from MAL on Monday, Jan 19, 2009. This will make packing for the trip a lot easier since I will only have 3 days to get ready. I have also made arrangement with Persephone, who is driving, to put my luggage in her car on Thursday, Jan 22 so that it will be easier for her and Daddy H to just pick me up at work and we hit the road.

Daddy H and I have been discussing protocol and what will work for the both of us. I am not a high protocol boy. I do not believe that any sub should be ignored or treated as if they don't exist by people interacting with the Dom. I will be following service protocol but I think it will be much easier for me than the last two years as I will not have to be Uber Control boy to keep Daddy H on Schedule. If I am not mistaken in my thought process Daddy H will be the one keeping the schedule and making sure we are where we need to be when we need to be. I will enjoy not having to be "pushy boy". Daddy H and I will come up with a signal so that if I am not at his side and he needs something thing or needs me I can be at his side in an instant.

While I am at MAL I am going to be looking for a toybag specifically for mine and Daddy H's toys. I will be fantastic to have our toybag and if Daddy H wants to go to any of the play parties i will have no trepidation going with him or even playing with him in public. When I attended SWLC there was always a feeling of inadequacy and that we (Daddy Eric and I) were not going to fit in with the pansexual crowd at the play party. I am done worrying about the little shit like that. I am who I am and If there is a women I feel comfortable playing with wants to play with me, it doesn't mean that I am "turning straight". If my straight Daddy wants to play with me and people don't understand the dynamics then they can just get over themselves. My relationships, my family, my play partners are just that mine. We (myself and whomever I am playing with) is our decision and how we play and when we play, as long as we are not breaking any rules of the play space, is no one's concern but ours.

I am enjoying turning some beliefs, perceptions, and even some "rules" on there ear and I hope that I keep doing it each and every day of my life.

Thank you to my friends, my family and my Daddies for helping me learn this and hold true to the motto I created back in 2003 "What other people think doesn't matter. What matters is being who you are and who you want to be."

Mon, Jan. 12th, 2009, 10:57 pm

Today I received a fantastic surprise.
Daddy H sent me a text message to call him when I got a chance. So as any good boy would do when he thinks Daddy needs him (there have been issues this week, don't need to go into details)
I called him right away. he informed me that he was inviting me to join him at SWLC in Phoenix since the original person who was going will not be attending. he said he knew that I had mentioned that I wanted to go and he wanted to offer his boy the chance. I am honoured, ecstatic, my head is still spinning. We spent the rest of the day making plans for the departure date.

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